Creating Goals and Working Through Them

Reflections on Changing Directions and Setting Goals!

I’ve really been thinking about the courage it takes to pursue something new or start a new project and how to move forward from there. You know the necessary steps it takes and the hard work involved that mainly seem to stump me up from the beginning. I’ve also realized that there’s a certain courage it often takes in the doing but firstly I believe it must come in deciding to do so and following through. Without that it’s as the quote says:

A Goal without a Plan is Just a Wish

So I admire others who were able to follow their plans while I still struggle in sorting mine out. Occasionally comparing my first ch
apter to their middle or end which is in how they’ve been able to pursue their passions or take those next few steps. While not  giving credit to how far I’ve come and the progress I’ve made.

With that said, here is what I learned about creating and pursuing our goals:

  1. Sometimes the only way to figure out what works for us; what we can do and even what our goal might be is to try. It took me many attempts at writing before I figured out that blogging is for me, and I’m still learning from it and figuring out what specifically works. There’s a lot to be learned through trial and error. Even the simplest experiences are great guides in showing us what works for us, what doesn’t and what is most important. BUT it is only throu72e8ca0e9b0dcfe9befc65c80a36ad41gh these experiences that we gain valuable insights.
  2. Each new step to that point seems to be built upon the last. The more you put in and work towards that goal, the clearer it will become. You may also find what isn’t working for you anymore, but even those steps will bring you closer to what does.
  3. With each step there is room for further inquiries and also setbacks. Both allow us to reflect on our choices and adjust the direction of the sails. One important point is being gentle with ourselves if we come into tough times or make mistakes. It’s just a lesson that perhaps it’s time to reevaluate and reflect on where we went wrong and how to move in a better direction. Reflection is good, dwelling not so good.

It can be tricky feeling ready to take on change especially if we are uncertain how. Hopefully thinking of each decision simply a step or way to try something helps us be more open to it. It’s just a step for us to see where it may lead and it’s a way for us to move past the hypothetical “ifs” or “what ifs” we often get stuck on in between deciding whether it’s something we want to do or not. I’ve embraced many new experiences this past year and learned great new skills simply by deciding to go for them and seeing how it goes, figuring things out along the way. When you decide to try and see what happens the possibilities are endless. Who knows you might end up surprising yourself.

Best of Luck, and Great Steps,

Introverted Butterfly

 

 

How to Get Through Challenging Times

The Three Things that has Helped Me and Hopefully Can Help You!

It seems the challenging times are the ones that really shape us but also call for the most out of us. When in the midst of experiencing, working through and resolving inner, outer or both conflicts sometimes the best way to get through is simply hang tight and hope for a brighter outcome like waiting for the calm after the storm. If we have the motivation or support to help us be able to get through is a good first step, still it can take a lot of personal strength have-patience-withand courage to just putting one foot in front of the other when things seem uncertain or when we become uncertain of ourselves. Through my experiences I’ve learned that it’s not the easiest to go through but it is a process worth going through if only to come into a new awareness. Until then it can be a bumpy ride of sorting out but perhaps what I’ve kept in mind through my own challenging experiences can help you.

Be kind to yourself: It can be hard not to self criticize, dredge up past emotions or actions, analyze and overanalyze the situation until the cows come home but one thing I’ve learned from wrestling with these tendencies is that they are not always helpful. Sure it is important to reflect on the incident or occurrence to help us move forward and learn from our mistakes but this can also hold you back from moving forward positively and forgiving yourself. We all at one point in our lives fall prone to pitfalls and thoughts on self judgment that serve no purpose than no other to keep us down. These things are bound to happen, so be easy on yourself and know that part of hindsight comes from our errs or oversights, ones that we couldn’t have known.

Take Things Day by Day and Allow for the Process to Happen: From my own personal experience, there were many days where this is all I could in times of great stress and anxiety to get by and move forward in a positive way. If you can get through those first few days and allow yourself to take things slow by taking things day by day and for time to pass as it does, it’s a good step healthy step in keep those anxieties and self perpetuating thoughts at bay.  Even if it takes longer than we would like to carry on as normal or to feel good again it is completely okay, and it’s okay if that’s all you can do. By accepting this it is another way of being kind and patient with ourselves and fears during this time. Sometimes we only have the courage of a mouse but it is still a form of courage and that’s good and worth noting. Do what you can do, and keep on, keepin’ on.

It does get easier day by day: This is probably the most overriding theme and message that I’ve realized from getting through times of tough growth or failure is that those first few days are the hardest part of rising strong but if we continue to move forward gradually it will get better. Things will look up and you’ll see that everything won’t be as hard as the first few days which can be the toughest. At one point, hopefully, you’ll realize that as time passed so has your biggest hurdles. This is where rising strong feels good and becomes easier because as the expression states: “the only way out is through”. Through the tough times, the fear, uncertainty and nervousness. There may be some days that will take a bit more of that courage while others less but either way each step forward will also lead to extra courage and ease, so don’t get discouraged and know that each will build towards progress in the end.

Stay strong and brave,

Introverted Butterfly

A New Perspective on What it Takes to be Open (An Introvert’s Insight!)

An Introduction and Thoughts on the Subject:

I begin looking at this topic a while ago with the modest mindset of how others it seemed were more able to show an openness towards sharing themselves and their experiences which got me thinking that it seemed like a pretty courageous thing to do. I’ve always been in awe of that for others while striving to do the same myself. There is something about letting your true self be shown that is rather intimidating for me and so I’ve often admired it in others while simultaneously trying to work on it myself.  With that I’ve began the process really looking at the when and where of sharing while building my own quiet courage which has taken some mustering.

My progress so far: a) Is that it takes time to get there but in order to get there we must keep moving forward and b) by doing so it becomes a process of starting somewhfamous-life-quote_8782-0ere (usually with sharing small thoughts/experiences/interests and moving into bigger topics BUT as mentioned above you must keep moving forward. As hard and perhaps uncertain at times as it may be the alternative to that is getting stuck in a particular spot and not contribute to your own growth or growing the connection. I’ve learned through mine and other experiences that it can take some time too, but if we’re really lucky the person we are connecting with will be patient at the times where our courage is less or what we share is in small doses. It’s important to realize this for ourselves but also in terms of how others may work through opening up and sharing, the uniqueness of it for each person is what makes sharing experiences unique and perhaps to add on another important lesson we can learn from others- especially if they are more open it can encourage us to be more open too. So to conclude is we must keep moving forward, at your own pace of course, but forward. It seems to be the only way to make connections grow and to form trust.

Really what it mostly comes down to for me and might help you is a steadfastness in showing up, and being who I truly am. I’ve also taken the perspective that just by doing that I’m already half way there. Next as follows is the little pep talks I give myself to just say one thing/share one thing about yourself and see how it goes. The voice inside me would say, and you’ll feel prouder for doing it.

 

For now, Introverted Butterfly

The “Everything Happens for a Reason” Theory

And My Theory on it:

Blog Logo 3So, here is the thing. As the saying goes, everything happens for a reason. Whether we know that reason or not; have chosen the “why” or “how”. Things happen anyways and often we may never know why. In these cases, the recommended advice is to accept that as we are changing and our perspective widens on how we evolve into who we are there will always be those times that completely flumix us. For no other reason, other than that “well that it happened”, not much we can do. Coincidence or not, a stroke of luck, some important insight or the awareness of getting through after a particularly stormy patch all lead to where we need to be now. To understand that nothing comes into our lives for no reason, other than to test us on this theory is one of the wonderful ways life can be interesting (yes), and challenging at times (definitely). So we can show exactly how accepting we are of what is going on. After all, the best test is one not on theory but in actual practice. It can be all well said and done, but until we truly have the experience of knowing; guessing means nothing and gets us nowhere.

Yet still sometimes it seems quite challenging to do when things get rough or rocky. As best I try to embrace that, with the best of my abilities in situations which are new to me, or it’s circumstances way WAY beyond my control it can be really difficult. I can acknowledge that there is no point in fighting this fact, but end up trying to go against it anyways, not quite ready to let that next step of awareness go.

And…

This is where I’ve been. Somewhere stuck in the middle of trying to figure things out meanwhile putting my best efforts forward to move forward day-by-day on my own while in the process of waiting for answers. Which really comes down to needing coIMG_0336ntrol. A tricky habit-let’s say- I’ve been working on loosening for most of my life.

Knowing reasons, and explanations has been particularly helpful coping strategy to have in my back pocket. I’ve always figured that by doing so I’d have some control over what is happening and assured that everything is alright.  Whether it’s who I chose to let in my life, where it goes, how I handle things and even how to cope in certain uncertainities. This not so “helpful” strategy has gotten me through, but at a cost. Like many things, it’s taken a while for me to realize where my anxiety was hidden, which was within that need of control/trying to control outcomes. I am willing to work on this, though, because spending any more time theorizing the “what ifs”, the “whys” and “how comes” has gotten me nowhere. That’s not entirely true, it’s actually set me back quite a bit from where I once was. Therefore,  I need to break up with needing too many answers, carry on without my anxiety and take everyday for what it is, as it is, without looking back in the wrong direction.

Hope this helps you, as it has helped me!

Truthfully Yours,

Introverted Butterfly

A Ode to Writing!

I often find myself sometimes torn between a love-hate relationship in writing, that’s not too hard to figure out why or explain. It’s simply this when I am feeling down about my progress or frustrated with going in no particular direction I’ve uttered into the world “arggg!!! I am done with writing!” or something like “I’m giving it up!” Utterances on how hard it is, how much I hate being stuck for ideas or worse sometimes not having many. To which family and close friends have asked the very poignant question: “Really… you sure about that?” or “Do you really think that’s what you want?”. It never is, you see. What I would like sometimes is for it to be easy, with a nice clear cut path in front of me. This is where and how you move forward next. But, alas, writing isn’t like that as I’m finding. It’s full of twisty turny points, ups, downs, pitfalls and yes moments of sheer frustration. Where one wonders: “why did I get myself into this mess in the first place?”
Well, as you’ll find out through my writing, we often don’t get ourselves into it, as it gets into us. For some strange, unexplainable reason it decides to grant us with this cursed gift. Sorry, writing sometimes it’s true that it seems one of those hard to give away. So much so, that in the midst of banging one’s head Graphic1 the keyboard or notebooks in frustration. We get mad at it like an old friend whose done something so very terribly wrong. Also much like an old friend, though, it remains loyal. From time to time politely reminding one that you really don’t treat a good friend that way. So we make amends with it, and for doing so sometimes it rewards us with inspiration and ideas we thought we’d lost. Just on the brink of giving up and feeling stuck forever, what we want to say finally comes to us! Alas, the torment is over! Time to move onward and upward, and just write…damn it!

Introverted Butterfly

Taking Flight- A Letter to My Inner Butterfly

Dearest Inner Butterfly,

Over the last little while, as you can probably tell, I’ve been struggling with how to move forward and take important steps in my own life. So, I’m not just mentioning these thoughts to you but wanting to live them as best I can too. I believe it is one thing to talk the talk, but a whole different one to walk the walk, as I’ve heard. Which is exactly the part that I’ve been trying to figure out- “how can I be brave, and walk the walk in my life?”. One example would be that I’ve been “talking” about is sharing my stories and experiences with others that might be going through similar experiences in letting them know, they are not alone. But I haven’t been very brave in putting my stories out there. I always seem to find a reason to hesitate or not to do it. Either I’d say “it’s too early” or “it’s not ready yet” or “where do I begin?” All answerable questions: “it’s never too early or too late.” “Work on it, one thing at a time.” “Be willing to start somewhere” Lastly “Just write, as easy as that.”

So, you see. It possibly wasn’t the questions but as I found out what’s behind them.  And to me, that came down to fear, as I’ve felt for some time. I just didn’t know of what. “Not being important”- Nope, and if that was it, then I’ve been writing for the wrong reasons all along. “Of what others would think.” Again, same answer as before. “Of failing”- possibly, and we all are at some point.

My fear-unique to me- ended up being was in realizing that I could have an impact on others in a powerful way, and my role in inspiring them. I’ve figured out that I’ve become too comfortable being in the background, and used to my environment changing me rather than me changing it. Thinking it was far easier for me to be inspired by others, and that the reverse was far too out there. Or much like the caterpillar, who is only butterflies_1200pxcomfortable taking small calculated risks from flower to flower. I too have been too comfortable only inspiring myself and others from a distance. I’ve been uncertain of how far my potential can take me and possibly change history that evening take the first steps seemed gigantic and too much. Afraid to open the full span of my wings, and take flight. I realized that I’ve gotten too comfortable in the place I am at. As the familiar provides me with security and safety. While the other option is the unknown, and those things are yet to be realized, with a whole world full of questions. While in the mean time I’ve still been dreaming of what else is out there, and how far I could go. Not a very brave butterfly, after all. I’ve always wanted to explore what else is out there, but have been too timid to take those steps into flight. Perhaps, though it’s time to do so and see how far my wings can carry me. 

Yours Truly,

Introverted Butterfly 

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