My Own Inner Wisdom:
Have you ever wondered to yourself “How do I deserve this good thing?” or perhaps thought that you didn’t. So you intentionally sabotage your happiness, luck, fortune or the experience/relationship in order to feel better about having it or believe you’ll be better off without it? Thinking it somehow gets to decide what you deserve or don’t…
I know I often have and what’s interesting is I’ve believed it many times and let it dictate how I go about or feel about a situation. For instance, sometimes I’ve only seen the negative qualities in it that make one think “This really isn’t worth it” becoming blind to everything else there that is good. It can be difficult for us to see in ourselves because so much of what is actually happening, happens to us. This has taken me a lot of reflection to realize where those thoughts came from and how they affected my outlook on what I deserved. What’s been interesting is I’ve realized it really doesn’t take much to convince me (or perhaps you) to start acting it out, believing it’s true and finding ways to ruin what I have or throw it out. As it turns out, it only takes one setback to return to the lowest of the lows when it comes to believing what I deserve. One “critical” error to send us back into the pits of being undeserving and self sabotaging.
At least, this is how it seems for me…
Yet was can enough to change my entire perspective and stop me from forgiving myself. If you’ve experienced this, I’m sure you are somewhat aware of the type of thinking that precedes wanting to quit/give up. It falls under the self sabotaging category.These are the thoughts that can easily rule our actions and chances at happiness or moving forward. For me I often thought that quitting was the right thing to do, giving it all up and starting over, in the end
would mean I’d be happier without all these good things. I’d believe I didn’t deserve them. Which are probably more common than you or I realize. Until it occurred to me that it all was self inflicted. My thoughts were changing my beliefs and dictating my actions in a way that wasn’t helpful. Realizing this was a huge turning point in my life. Suddenly, everything I had struggled with, put myself down for and situation that caused me grief made sense. Sure, at first it was the incident that had caused the stress or upset but consequently after the initial shock had run through it was ME making it harder for myself, not anything or anyone else. Every situation then ran into my mind, and the answer was simple, it all stemmed from the “I don’t deserve to…/am not good enough…” train of thought. Unconsciously or not, I was finding a way to make the situation NOT work or HARDER on
myself instead easier. Rather than finding solutions I was just causing more problems because of my own belief of not deserving a second chance or understanding. What it then comes down to is these two things:
- Starting believe that you and I along with everyone else does deserve everything that brings us happiness. You know why, because saying we don’t is a limited belief, one we shouldn’t always and don’t have to listen to. If it is really difficult to believe perhaps we can start with simple affirmations, that create small changes in our thinking. Giving ourselves a pat on the back- even if it’s just getting through another day.
- Also the more you do start believing in the good and it becomes easier to realize when we were letting that limited belief guide us in that self sabotaging direction, and redirect it into positive thinking. Bonus, you may even find it’s easier to appreciate all the wonderful things in your life if you actually believe to be worthy of them.
- Finally, make the most of the situation/situations and be easy on yourself. It will help boost your self worth rather than decrease it!
Keep believing positively, (because you deserve all the good that comes your way!)
“Sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees.”
Consider the forest to be what you’ll feel like down the road, in the bigger scheme of life. What things might be like if you chose one way or another, and the moment has passed what it will look like and feel like overall. Not now, or perhaps even a few days from now but months and potentially years down the road. Will you be happy with the outcome of what you decided then versus how you are now? Or would you want to go back and chose again? Which would be great if possible, but since not it most likely means living with and accepting that decision. If it’s something we didn’t or did do that feels icky once the strong emotions have stopped. We could be living in guilt or regret because we couldn’t see ourselves further along from that one moment, and made a big mistake, often wishing it was one to take back. I know it can be tough to learn at first, as I have learned so much from it already. Hopefully these insights help.
When we are focusing on the current moment, how you feel, what you’re thinking, and experiencing now. When things get so rough and just making it through another day seems like a big unworthwhile effort. All there seems to be is trees, with no hope of moving past that point. Building the strength to carry on can seem like an undoable task and it can be extremely difficult to see ourselves at better places as we continue to dwell deeper into the unhappy situation. As we are only seeing the trees, it can be difficult to see the forest.
The Good News:
If you’re struggling to see this for yourself then there are always others who can help you find the forest when you’ve lost sight of it. They are the support system gently encouraging you to continue on, that know if you’ve gotten through other tough times then it’s possible to get through now. And most importantly, will realize that if you give up now, you might really regret it in the future. They know that this time in your life is only one period and at one point or another it will pass and the frustrations, difficulty, set backs or mistakes will fade away for brighter days. These are the people to have close by and seek out in times of need. So you are making an informed decision from the right place which is realizing the forest is amongst the trees.
Once you realize this is exactly what happened, with the help of others you can NEVER unknow it. That awareness is there and there for you to use. If only we chose to put it in place before it’s too late. It may take some time, in fact it may take a lot of time but this is where we’ll have to be gentle on ourselves and patient while we are learning and applying this useful information. We may fall a couple times but each time you’ll get up, dust yourself off and know better next time. There is no going back, there’s only going forward from here and hoping this lesson carrys on with you as go back out there and give whatever it is another shot.
Hope this helps,
Much hope and expanding,
Conflicting Opinions and Voices
This has been a relatively new subject of interest I’m exploring but has proven to be a good one. In which case, exploring it might help debunk some of the uncertainties that come along…
It is often said that “the heart knows best” or you’re told to “follow your heart” but what does that mean exactly? and does the heart really know best? I strongly doubt it. To me, it seems lately it is just one of the many conflicting opinions adding to the pile awaiting a overwhelmed ear. There is sometimes, so much to be said about a particular situation and a lot on the line that it can be tricky to tell left from right or right from wrong. Your heart is telling you one thing- and it speaks loud and clear on what it believes is right. While other opinions surround you and confuse you with what they believe is right. What are you to do? It’s your heart. You would think listening to it would be the best bet, but always. Yet, there is no other who is experiencing the feelings you have for the situation or the way you are experiencing it. This is where I’m really working on tuning into how I’m feeling and giving myself the time to think things through. Yet, it tough because I don’t always know whether an individual decision will work out or fail until I do it. Then you learn- often the hard way- what works.
With each of these situations, it appears I’m learning but feels like I’m taking one step forward and three back. Which if you ask me, isn’t really great progress and really emotionally draining. When it comes down to how we are feeling in a particular moment, versus how we might feel down the road. They are two different things, both of which are hard to predict. This can create confusion, and how can one predict how you’re going to be in the future. There have been many times when lead by confusion I’ve gotten into trouble that I could have avoided. It hasn’t taken much to get there but the very next day it’s been my head and myself dealing with the emotional consequences of giving the heart full range. Be sure that heart, mind and you can live with the consequences the next day. As sometimes we need to override the heart and consider what things might be like down the road (even if it is challenging at times to do) and make the best decision possible, not only for that moment but for the future.
Let me know what you thought of this post, by liking or comment down below. I’d be interested to know.
Have you ever looked back on a particular experience and thought in a moment of amazement “Wow. I can’t believe how fast time has flown!”?, wondering where all those days have gone?
I often have. It seems sometimes you blink once and the experience has just started out, then you blink again and it’s either half-way through or further along then you could have imagined. This can be true to just about any experience, but where I got this inspiration from is in friendship. It’s one of those experiences that while you are pursuing, nurturing and growing it each day becomes your focus- or at least it does for me-, until you suddenly look back and realize exactly how much time has flown by while you’ve been creating moments and memories with that person. At least this seems to happen in the very special, real and true connections that come along once or if your lucky maybe twice in a lifetime that are meant to last. In which, each day together you are simply trying to make the most of or allow your connection to grow just a little bit more. Without even noticing how much time has gone by from one year to the next.
It can be a bit surprising when this occurs, almost as if realizing “Wow. I didn’t even see it that way.” but also reassuring I find. That if we can make it this far, then surely what we have can last for more years to come. This is to say that it doesn’t take work- we all know it does-, and that there aren’t doubts sometimes along the way- especially in the beginning- but what can help put our faith into the experience or into the connection is looking back and knowing we’ve made it that far through those ups and downs so hopefully if they come up we’ll make it through them again.
When it comes down to it, is all you can do is put faith into each other, trust in what you have and in the process of growing that special connection putting the rest in the hands of the Universe. Which may seem lofty at times, but as long as it helps you get through then that is what counts.
“Life is about the journey, not the destination.” So you might as well enjoy it with some good company!
Cherish the moments, treasure the connections and enjoy the journey!
Let It Out- A Journey into Journalling; By Katie Dalebout
I don’t normally try to write book reviews but it is not often that I come across a great inspirational book that both really relates to my experiences the way this has,and has helped me as much in getting through all the chatter in my head and believe me there was a lot. This book though has done just that. So why keep it’s inspiration to myself when I can pass along the good vibes!
“Let It Out” is written by Katie Dalebout. A writer- who like me- started out blogging about wellness as a way to express herself and document her attempts in healing and changing her life for the better. Having tried many methods and countless struggles, frustration and disappointment in other treatments she then discovered that to heal the outside you need to begin by healing the inside which starts with your thoughts.
Which is where journalling came in and “a journey into journalling.” Upon reading that I was pleasantly pleased and excited. “You mean there’s someone else out there, who believes in the magic of journalling as much as I ?!?” I thought to myself. It must have been a sign to give this book a chance!
Filled with so many amazing insights, tools and relatable experiences that with each new one I’m agreeing along with her or having an “aha” moment myself. This one is a book not to miss. It also didn’t take me long to begin marking pages down and trying to remember important passages before they left my mind in order to get out of my funk and back into the habit of journalling.
Don’t worry though, if you aren’t the avid journal yet. It’s a great resource for first time journalers too or any one really willing to write themselves out of a funk (I believe that’s even one of her tools- Write Your Way Out of a Funk). There are lots of tools for both avid and beginner journalers. Here are just some of my favourites so far:
- The Morning Dump
- Dream Decoder
- The F Word Throwdown (not the F word you’re thinking of)
- The Situation Stepback
- A Letter to My Condition
And what’s great is you can flip to any one of these exercises when you need it most without worrying about missing some important part early on.
Honestly, I can not say enough wonderful things about this amazing book. It has been my favourite read of the summer so far, I am continuously finding new insights and inspirations to keep positive. So I highly recommend trying it out for yourself if you are up for the journey- that is.
Best of luck, and happy reading!
“Energy creates energy. It is by spending myself that I become richer”~ Sarah Bernhardt
This is one of those quotes, where I can agree and disagree with what it’s author is proclaiming. That when you are doing something or participating in experiences-essentially enjoying life- then you’re adding to your stamina and enriching your life. As someone who has worked to create an openness to new experiences and likes to try new things I agree that our lives are enriched when we reach outside of our comfort zones and do something out of the ordinary. that we haven’t done before. As mentioned
in my previous post titled “A Message on New Experiences and Openness” I have tried several in the last few years or so. All of which, have given me either different tools to use through navigating life or a new pastime/joy to call upon when feeling down. There is then so much more to my life now, other than just working and writing but many in which my life is fulfilled and richer. The experiences that create a much more fulfilling and positive life. Which is what she might have been referring to in this quote by saying “by spending myself I become richer”
I also know there times when the fulfillment in my life personally, comes from taking a step back, giving myself some space to think and reflect on everything that has happened in that last little while, really taking it all in and appreciating those opportunities. Which the only real way to really do that is in rest or stillness where no spending is necessary. It is then by saving our energy at some point are we able to have enough for future endeavours without over spending oneself. Like a bank account, there needs to be some spending energy in order to be able to enjoy those enriching opportunities.
Either way, I want to point out that as in all aspects and activities of life it’s important to create balance for yourself and know when to bring that into what you do- including how you spend yourself-. Not only in terms of well-being but also to be able to give your best and most present self in the moments that count. So, yes! Take chances, create or participant in new experiences that will enrich your life but be sure to fill up your energy and rest once in a while or slow down when it’s best for you. I know life can be a balancing act sometimes and we’re all different but hopefully these thoughts help make sense of how important it is to take time for yourself (when not spending your energy), while also getting out there to experience new things.
This is just my understanding of it, because from personal experience the opposite can be said for most introverts (or anyone on that side of the scale). That yes, we enjoy spending time with others, but sometimes how we create energy is by saving the little we have left and resting to create more or it can be that spending time with others takes more energy than it gives/replenishes. That’s just my opinion though, you’ll have to do some thinking to figure out for yourselves what it means, as it may vary depending on who you are and how you feel about participating in what is enriching for you. I’m interested to hear more though…
Do you agree, disagree, or somewhat agree with it? And which side to you find yourself more like- introvert/extrovert- either will depend on how you interpret what “spending myself” means.
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