Expectations on Experience: The Other Side

Part Two: Hoping for a Particular Outcome in Experiences

So a little while ago, I talked about putting expectations on people and the roles that we sometimes wish them to fill- realistic or not- that put pressure on our connection with them rather than simply accepting everything that they bring to a certain relationship- which “Yes” can mean the good and bad. I figure that’s about what any connection whether it’s romantic, friendly or familial is. Accepting that person where they are at, what they bring to any relationship is the key to truly appreciating it and allowing it to grow. There’s more on this from Hindsight of Past Moments (and Expectations), if you’re interested in knowing more.

Here we’re focus on the otherside, when we put expectations on an experience or desperately want some to have a big outcome. To start here is an example of how the two work hand in hand:

You plan to go to this really awesome concert with a friend. Although, your friend likes the group, music and over all concert experience, you have a sense that they won’t enjoy it as much as you or aren’t a big enough fan to truly savour the experience. Regardless, you invited them anyways with the hopes that hearing the group perform live would create an even bigger fan of your friend. By the way- already expectations have come (most of the time unconsciously) in your mind. You also hope that if your friend is having an awesome time, you’ll have an even awesomer time than planned. On the flipside, if your friend only finds the concert okay, isn’t that wowed by your favourite artist or can’t pretend to be into the scene (Which by the way, is totally okay- to each their own I always say) then by placing expectations on their enjoyment, yours may fall short too or worse would ruin the experience for you. So you see, what ends up happening is expectations can block you from not only appreciating what is right in front of you but being in that moment and your own enjoyment!

To nicely sum up: All we can really do and control- I might add- is ourselves and our outlooks. The rest a lot of the time isn’t up to us, but the situation and what comes of it. So, here’s the choice: We can chose to make the best of it or let make the best of us. Meaning ruin our outlook and cast a negative cloud over the experience. Therefore the more we and others can enjoy it and make the best of the moments before they become memories, the better off we’ll be. This isn’t always easy, but totally worth it in the end.

So set yourself free of trying to expect too much, and try being open to whatever happens, when it happens!

Introverted Butterfly

 

Thoughts on Graduating and Transitions

Transitioning from one role to the next can be tough, and even tougher still to figure out which path to travel next. The beauty of transitions and new stages in lifeis that you have that choice. There are many stages of transitioning and experiences we go through, all important and varied. But one of the larger ones is after finally concluding our academic career and feel ready to move onto to big steps and dreams. Which is why today, I am mainly going to focus on graduation- the most common one this time of year-.

Yes, the road ahead can seem like quite the long one and there are many questions to answer along the way, but here I’ll offer my best advice looking back on how I handled it and what I’m continuing to learn as I figure new pieces out.

When learning within classroom walls is what we’re used to most it can be hard to imagine what else may be in store for us. It can be overwhelming in the first little while as the transition takes place but as you start to figure things out and some questions get answered you can get a feel for what may come ahead. For me, anyways, it was learning in new ways. Now I am learning about myself, how I interact amongst the world and what it is really like out there- actually experiencing life, people and how it works, along

Background-Of-Graduationwith tons more lessons. Which is rather exciting. Secondly, that feeling of being overwhelmed by what’s ahead can be totally normal. Once you get over the nerves you’ll see that it’s your time to create your own path, set your own goals with measurable steps, and perhaps rediscover or to even more finally follow your passion. One of my favourite parts is realizing that I can do, what I’ve always wanted to- which is write and continue to learn as much about the craft as I can.

It can be tough at first to do this, and that’s some courage and curiousity, but it’s totally worth in the end. After all, this is your time to claim the future and continue to grow even greater on our own. Final advice: The best way to know and begin is to take small steps- in a positive direction-, after all you may never know where they lead and the only way to find out is to try!

So all the best out there, to anyone transitioning into whatever next great endeavor it may be! Keep on, keepin’ on!

Introverted Butterfly (always transforming and learning)

 

Hindsight of Past Moments (and Expectations)

Part 1: People and Appreciation

This insight is a relatively new one for me but perhaps one of the important ones to learn and understand. As we approach new experiences and people there are certain things you can healthily come to expect from that experience- like for instance if you’re at work, and have responsibilities there, you are rightly expected to fulfill those obligations because that’s what you signed up for. Even if you meet someone new and think of them as a potential friend in that role there are certain things you should be able to count on to provide and you provide to them; such as:

  • They are there for you, when you need them or even better no matter what
  • They understand you, and possibly can empathize with you
  • Similar interests/likes
  • Supportive
  • Kind
  • Caring
  • Forgiving
  • A good connection

Those I consider all “no-think” expectations a friend should provide, not too high but differentiate that person from being an acquaintance. As with the job role, those responsibilities that separate the people working there from customers, this is how I know I’ve made a friend and who are my true friends. An important definer, and another story for later.

What if though, there is more we want from that person? Or if we are needing extra support/reassurance/understanding from another that they don’t know of?

That would be expectations and putting too many on them is a slippery slope to start. Sometimes we set our expectations a little too high on people and without realizing it are setting the stage for disappointment to take place or to miss out what is right in front of us. Please don’t make this mistake- IMG_1483take it from someone who is learning through this process, it’s a lot of regret in your future and makes being gentle on yourself really tough-.  You can spend countless energy and thoughts dwelling in the “should-haves” “would-haves” and “wish it was likes'”. This is where expectations become dangerous because they can set us up for confusion, conflict, doubt and major misunderstandings between two people or missing out from forming connections where you are at with that individual. I guess what I’m getting at is when you focus too much attention on what you want from
something or someone to be like it’s hard to truly appreciate them and what they offer you, and often regret follows as we yearn for the past moments in the present where we wish to be more appreciate and present. Again, hindsight is always 50-50 in these things but it doesn’t have to be if you learn from my cautionary tale, skip regret and once more be grateful for the now and not long for the then or future!

From a ever-learning Butterfly,

Introverted Butterfly

*Stay aware and in present*

This Weeks Inspiration

Getting a Healthy Outlook and Baking Adventures

So this week’s adventure is another one in baking, healthy this time. Feeling like it was time to get a fresh outlook and healthy one after coming to the very true conclusion of how I’d like to approach this year and my day-to-day living.  I’ve realized that it all starts within to shine through on the outside. With that said, every so often I’m going to work on incorporating healthier recipes into my baking adventures. Cue big sigh and hesitant acceptance. But, it’s my year to make the most of, and a worthwhile one. Always worried that these intentions I set tend to catch-up with me by the time another year rolls around. I am determined to have an answer to the question “Well. What have you got to show for yourself this year?”  And not let it get away from me.

In that spirit of embracing new things and openness  I had decided tIMG_1458o bake a muffin recipe since it seemed to fit into the theme of “trying new things”. Not just any recipe, but an ultra healthy muffin recipe to start!  Date and Banana Bran Muffins. Mmm, sounds good right?

Sure it does. Don’t worry,  I was skeptical too at first, whether I could pull it off and convince myself that they would be just as good but open to the idea of trying something
even newer than just baking cookies I gave it shot and was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to do and well the muffins turned out. (that’s the result in the picture above –>). Perhaps there is hope for more muffins to come in the future after all.

Blogger’s Note: Normally,  I’d scour the internet to find any appealing recipe out there, but this time, this tasty creation came from an actual cook/recipe book (borrowed from my Mom). The Ann Lindsay The Light-hearted Cookbook if you’re wondering. Also I’ve nicknamed myself The Messy Baker!

Happy Baking and Outlooks to All,

Introverted Butterfly and The Messy Baker!

Tips on How to Become Present (Again)

After an interesting couple of weeks- full of celebrating, growing and changes-, it’s taking me a while to process everything I’ve been feeling lately. My head has been spinning once more with a multitude of thoughts, reactions and possible scenarios that I’ve lost side of what was happening right in front of me. Where and who I am right now, in this second. It can be hard when we lose sight of everything that makes us feel like us, but harder still to find that person (trust me, sometimes I lose her several times throughout the week) but what is important is working on becoming of aware when that happens. Retracing our steps (one by one, to see if they are where we left them), remembering what it last felt like to be so aware and present in the moment. Through many experiences dealing with this endless search and rescue or discovery of me, I’ve come across some invaluable techniques on how to centre oneself in the midst of this ever changing world.

So without further, ado here are a few simple steps that I find help in such scenarios:

  1. Go for a walk- typically the longer the better, where there is a natural trail. Appreciating all the greenery will remind you of the fact that everything (including us) is connected, and that everything is always changing. By appreciating it’s beauty though, you can realize how magical it is that these things happen!
  2. Have your camera/phone ready throughout your walk. Allowing you the opportunity to capture what gave you that sense in the first place, as a reminder of that moment and feeling. You can then look back at those pictures as reminders of the simplicity that IMG_1482
    nature is.
  3. Meditation– this is where your awareness can start to evolve and you can- if feeling ready- get back into your body and out of your head/lower mind-. I am learning so much about myself and awareness through meditating. It’s simple techniques along with an amazing teacher has made it so accessible and invaluable. You’d be amazed at how it changes your thinking and can quiet the little voices in your head.
  4. Journalling– I’ve touched on this before, but it’s an invaluable tool as well. And for me, it’s been a life safer (which is one I’ve been meaning to get into again). Think of journalling as a way to empty any lingering thoughts from the previous day and start fresh in the new day. There’s really no need to carry over yesterday into today-especially if it wasn’t the best of days.
  5. Finally, get yourself a good nights sleep. By going to bed at a reasonable hour, and getting up with that same rule. You’ll allow your brain to naturally do it’s own dump while you sleep without having to worry about scheduling it yourself.

 

Try any or all of these if you are need of a fresh perspective and new awareness. I believe you’ll be surprised by how they help!

Happy discovering,

Introverted Butterfly

 

The Lovely Blog Award-

Today I am feeling particularly grateful (again), that a fellow blogger has nominated me for the Lovely Blog Award. It seems like such a small but wonderful honour to be chosen out of many other bloggers and nominated, that my work- that I effortlessly put into my writing and sharing- is getting recognized. As I’ve been humbly doing my best to show I like being part of this very interesting and wonderful community, learning so much and growing (constantly as a blog). So it is at this moment, that I’d like to thank Suze of suziland.net (http://suziland.net) for taking the time and thinking of me in regards to this reward, I am truly honoured for this experience and opportunity to pass along the good fortune.

Here are the rules, and here I go following in pursuit:

lovely-blog-award-rules

Also without further ado here is 7 things you might not know about me:

  1. I have been writing since high school. Which started with poetry and stories, evolved to trying autobiographic pieces and finally landed upon blogging.
  2. I am a sucker for sweets and desserts. There has hardly been one dessert, I’ve known not to try and turn down- with the exception of Creme Boulle.
  3. I have a small black cat named Bosco
  4. Music is one of my favourite things, give me a good beat and I’ll sing along.
  5. I really like learning about new places and destinations, to travel more is on my bucket listone-love-blog-award
  6. I have a collection of butterfly things in my room
  7. My family is the most important people in my life.

 

And 15 fellow bloggers I would like to nominate at this time:

  1. The Seeds 4 Life-  http://www.theseeds4life.com, The Seeds 4 Life was one of the first blogs I followed, and enjoyed. Their articles are always well written, honest and inspiring. The kind of blog/blogger one wishes to try and become.
  2. According to Greta –  https://healthyliving894.com, another positive and uplifting blog full of good quotes and articles. Also a very generous blogger who wonderfully points out the good in others blog!
  3. angelcat2014-  https://angelcatblog.wordpress.com, a close friend of mine who first
    got me thinking again on the idea of blogging and has always provided great encouragement along the way. Hoping this will help her get back into it.
  4. Loddyann- https://loddyanne.wordpress.com, another wonderful writer, and beginner blogger friend of mine. Hoping this will encourage her as well to continue with blogging and build on her writing practice.
  5. HopevsHeadaches https://hopevsheadaches.wordpress.com, a very honest blog and blogger who like me has blogged about her experiences and how she is overcoming them. It’s both inspiring and refreshing to find someone to inspire this blogger to be more open.
  6. Katie Dalebout , the author of Let It Out, and http://katiedalebout.com; Her book is great, I was so pleased to find a book about journalling and how to amp up using a journal. A strong fan and advocate for journalling in getting through tough times, and making sense of things I was super excited to come across her book and b
    log!
  7. Dustin Meyer- The Evolutionary Mind, another wonderfully positive and thought-provoking blog on moving on and forward in life. Recommended post: Working Towards Your Goals.
  8. Be Inspired..!! https://empress2inspire.wordpress.com
  9. she’s a seeker @https://shesaseeker.wordpress.com
  10. begin to believe https://begintobelieve.com, an inspirational blog
  11. empress2inspire, a inspiration blog on tips of how to live a good and grateful life. I particularly enjoyed the post titled “Things I Wish” on developing good habits
  12. unbolt, a great inspiration if you’re in need of something to write or feel up for a
    blogging challenge.
  13. Daily Inspiration http://dailyinspiration.me; a thought provocative and inspiring blog full of positive sentiments and helpful tips on how to enjoy life (
    with quotes to follow along)
  14. James Radcliffe https://jamesradcliffe.com, An artists take on life, art and travels. I particularly enjoyed his post titled Paean To The Mountains. Very descriptive and well written.
  15.   Momentum Mikey https://4lawofattraction.com, a blog that talks about science and how it’s processes can relate to our own lives, essentially an everyday science blog. A favourite post of mine was Yes! Your Friend is a Flake.

Once more I would like to thank Suze of suziland.net (https://suziland.net) for nominating me for this award and giving me a chance to give back to other bloggers on this journey

Blogger’s apology, I accidentally got the title of Katie Dalebout’s book wrong it’s actually Let It Out. My apologies Katie. 

Introverted Butterfly’s Feature Blog

According to Greta (https://healthyliving894.com)

So not too long ago I got noticed by another fellow blogger, who just like me is being brave and putting themselves out there ,in the world wide web, in a positive way. It seems that in a world where positivity is rare, but all the more important to spread whenever we bloggers can, it’s good to recognize those who are making an good impact on others through what we share online. Which is why I always enjoy checking out the author of According to Greta (Greta) or ATG, as she sometimes puts it. Whose goal is to:

“Bringing inspiration and motivation- connecting the world! © 2016”

In particular, I enjoy coming across interesting inspirational quotes on her blog that give me something to reflect on throughout my day or that are true to what I’m experiencing. Here are a few of my favourites, amongst many more profound quotes on her blog:

“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”~ Pablo Picasso.

https://healthyliving894.com/2016/05/19/inspiring-quotes-pablo-picasso/

For anyone feeling intimidated about trying to do something new can look-up this quote on ATG’s blog and also find it amongst interesting information on the person who said it for further understanding on the meaning of a particular quote.

A second favourite is from Oprah:

“Breathe, let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know for sure.”~Oprah Winfrey (from According to Greta)

https://healthyliving894.com/2016/04/25/inspiring-quote-oprah-winfrey/comment-page-1/#comment-641

I particularly enjoyed the write-up to follow this one that the author included on how to appreciate the moments which gives readers something more to reflect on with regards to the quote and suggestions on how to do just that- appreciate the moment-.

Don’t be mistaken though, According to Greta/heatlhyliving894.com is a lot more than motivating quotes. She also writes about inspiring individuals, articles on how to live positively, and my favourites on how to blog right- Blogging 101 articles-. As someone recently new to the world of blogging who wouldn’t want a helpful resource such as advice from someone more experienced then you.

So whether you are looking for inspirational stories, motivational quotes or helpful articles on blogging or other topics. Head over to According to Greta at healthyliving894.com to find it all there and more positivity!

Introverted Butterfly approved Blog Logo 3

Here also is her About Page:

http://en.gravatar.com/healthyliving894

“According to Greta is an inspirational and motivational blog that covers interesting stories, tips, tricks and trends. Greta Lamfel is the Editor in Chief. She is a Freelancer, Business Owner and Blogger. Her favorite quote is one one she created herself, “If there is good and bad in all of us; yin and yang, then shouldn’t forgiveness be the key?” She understands the importance of work-life balance and therefore likes to travel when she gets the chance”

Marking My Year

What I’ve Learned and Looking forward to What’s to Come!

I’m always so amazed how fast time goes by within a year for me. It seems to sneak up to me as I look back and realize all that has gone by and what I’ve experienced and learned in that time. As I’ve gotten older and perhaps more aware of how I’ve grown and changed thoroughout my individual year, birthdays become much more important and meaningful to me. It becomes a time of year where this butterfly has started to really reflect on her transformation and growth in anticipation to what the following year can bring. Always being somewhat of an introspective individual it surprises me that I’ve never quite been so reflective sooner. Anyways, since I am blogging this year (only started blogging late June last year) I thought I’d take this time to share what I’ve learned of and from myself in the past year:

 

Butterfly’s 10 Lessons

  1. That nothing is impossible, as long as you put your will into it, you will find a way.
  2. (To go with 1): Also that nothing truly worth doing comes easy. Most times you have to really practice and work at it to get the rewards and then they will be worth waiting for.
  3. It’s okay to loosen your grip every once in a while, and trust balloons-25737_1280.pngwhen you do that things will be okay, in fact they might possibly be more than okay.
  4. It can be really fun and exciting to try new things. A little scary at first (sure), but well worth it in the end. Even more so if you are trying them with a friend!
  5. Life is always going to hand you surprises and unexpected twists, that in the end all that really matters is how you brush yourself off and carry on. Whatever you do- keep marching onward, it will get better.
  6. Sometimes the only opinion you need to listen to is your own. You always will have the right answers for you. You just need to listen and trust that what you come up with will be for the best. Take the time to listen and you might be surprised by what you come up with!
  7. Patience is really a virtue… and a tough one at that. Also one that needs to constantly be practiced
  8. Gratitude is crucial to happiness, but once more hard to practice at times.
  9. Enjoy the small moments, conversations and experiences because they’ll turn into the memoriable big things put together.
  10. Advice from my sister: “Always remember to feed the good wolf and never the bad wolf, if you want to live a positive life”

Introverted Butterfly

Wanderlust

Thoughts on Wanting to Explore More…

Have you ever felt a longing for a place you’ve been before or maybe haven’t but have been dying to go there for some strange reason? Almost as if the destination is calling your name and only your name? It seems to get stronger and stronger (at least for me) every time I look back at pictures, read about it or hear of someone else going there. To my place, meant just for me… or I wish. Maybe that way, I wouldn’t have to worry about feeling jealous or frustrated about being stuck where I am.

I believe that this tortuous experience- which it can be if you can’t afford to go there at the time being- is called “Wanderlust”. Merriam Webster describes this phenomenon simply as “a strong desire to travel” minus all the feelings and envies you get when you want to but can’t travel. After getting bitten by the travel bug, going afar and finding that I can do it, I’ve felt that feeling as the call of the unknown and new places beckon. There is no experience quite like it out there. WIMG_1664.JPGhen you go abroad for the first time, it’s really nerve racking but extra exciting. You don’t know what awaits
you but are anxious to find out at the same time. At least this is how I felt. I wasn’t entirely sure I could handle it, but wanted to at least try to find out. Once I knew that it was possible, then the real yearning begin to go again, knowing that I could do it I have become up for round two. There seems to be so much to explore out in that great big world. My sense is this: The adventure had just gotten started. I want to go far and wide, high and low to see it all- while I’m young and able-. Feeling nostalgic and yet ready to discover new places in
spires me to start planning my next adventure again in the hopes it will be just as fun and successful as the very first one… The one with the travel bug!

Happy Travels to All Out There,

Introverted Butterfly